


Sure as the sky's made of blue

by ThatwasJustaDream



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Community: 1-million-words, Established Relationship, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-29
Updated: 2016-11-29
Packaged: 2018-09-02 23:02:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8686810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatwasJustaDream/pseuds/ThatwasJustaDream
Summary: Dean gets a shock from Castiel - and motivation to fight.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry, all I seem to get for them lately is 'schmoopy' or 'sad,' and this is kind of the later - with a dose of hope at the end.

When Dean couldn’t find Castiel anywhere inside the bunker, he knew where to try next: A few steps _outside_ the bunker. 

Yep, there he was; standing still, arms at his side, aimed toward the pink and yellow fingers of light along the horizon. Front-lit as he was, and barely front lit at that, Castiel was in a kind of silhouette to Dean’s eyes. He looked more regal than he had for some time, and every bit as alien as he actually was.

“Yo, Seth,” Dean called gently, smiling as the squint and the frown on that face when he turned Dean’s way. Some of the more oblique cultural references, even simple movie ones, still tripped him up and it was always fun for Dean seeing that happen. “What’s with you and this new sunrise ritual?”

“It’s not entirely new, Dean. I used to do this a lot while you slept; you just didn’t happen to consider my whereabouts as often back then.”

“Yeah, well…you’ve done this almost every day for what? Two weeks, now?”

“Truth be told, I’ve been feeling a certain …yearning.”

There was something discomforting in Cas’ tone - something that said he’d hoped to avoid the topic, but now that it was here he was considering how to approach it. That, Dean knew, was seldom ever good news.

“If you need more sex… hell, Cas, maybe just tell a guy. It’s not complicated.”

“I think you know that’s not what I mean.”

“Okay. So you’re yearning…. for what? The sky?” Dean’s trepidation wasn’t lessened by what was dawning, now, in his own head. “You mean you want to be the chessboard again, and not just a player?”

“Exactly,” Castiel said - one word, but so much wistfulness in it. “It’s one thing to live in the universe; we’re all part of it, in that sense. But to have been at one with it - to have been part of the fabric of it? There truly aren’t words to express that kind of connectedness. Humans only ever feel it for perhaps a few seconds or minutes at a time - and most never do at all.”

“I’ve noticed it, you know?” Dean said, coming out to join him and letting the door fall shut, arms crossing against he early morning cold. “That you’ve changed since you got your grace back. Not all at once, but… your way of moving is different. The way you talk; your voice is lower and less expressive, I guess. It’s got that angel hardness to it that used to give me goosebumps. Sorry, babe, but… not the good kind.”

“No… _I’m_ sorry, Dean.”

“For what?”

“That I can’t pretend it’s not happening. Or that I regret it, because I don’t. Being human was….difficult for me at best.”

“I know. Do you even know what you are anymore? Are you all angel? Is there zero ape left in there?”

“I think I’m a blend. I’ll never forget what it was like, being human. I’ll take that with me. But...”

“Take it.… _with_ you?” Dean asked, pulling in a long breath when the words came out harder-edged than he’d meant them to. “You really leaving us, babe? Gonna become a wavelength of intent again for a few millennia?”

Dean saw what crossed Castiel’s face at the question: His face full of a soft sympathy, his eyes sad - but not for himself. Didn’t that make Dean’s jaw tighten; make him want to turn and go before…what? 

Before Cas could see how much his pity stung.

“Honestly…” Castiel said. “I don’t know. I’m not sure if I can in light of….our ties to each other. But part of me wants it very much.”

Hearing what you didn’t want to hear in so few words? It felt kind of like walking into a wall Dean hadn’t seen coming. 

“Yeah, well, don’t deprive yourself. God knows I never deprive myself of what the hell ever I want, and it’s far less worthy stuff. Isn’t it? Just give me a heads up before you ‘peace out,’ ‘cause If I wake up and you’re gone … I don’t…. I wouldn’t… be okay with that.”

“Dean…don’t be angry with me.“

“Who said I was?”

“Your voice says you are. But you need to consider… it might be better if I do go.”

“And why’s that?”

“You’ve gotten accustomed to the me who has more empathy. More ability to connect to you with words and touch and….”

“Do we have to talk about all that? Neither of us is exactly a romantic, Cas. I think I’d be more than fine with a slightly less affectionate you, honestly.”

“Maybe you would. Or maybe not. ‘They do not love that do not show their love…”

“Shakespeare? Seriously? You miss the 'City of Angels' reference but now you're tossing up Shakespeare at me?”

“It just …seemed to fit. What if I find myself changing to the point where I can’t show you my love? Or worse yet, deny myself my needs... and turn harsh and bitter. I think you might end up hating me.”

“I did actually meet that you, once, buddy. I liked him just fine. ‘Other Me’ was the one who was a total dick.”

“Whatever I decide, I won’t simply disappear. Not without talking to you about it.”

“Well, thanks for that frigging much.”

Dean watched Cas leave- the first one to head back in the door, after all. 

“Would you like to come in?” Cas asked.

“No. Give me a minute.”

“I’ll get breakfast going for you and Sam. Keeping my hands busy would be best right now. I’ve been…dreading this.”

“Cas….”

“Yes, Dean?”

“I wasn’t kidding - back when I told you I need you.”

“I know you weren’t. But that was a long time ago, and a lot has changed. Hasn't it?”

Then he was gone - to make breakfast, of all things, like Dean hadn’t just gotten a preview of the very possible end of them.

Well, damn.

Dean stood and listened to the near silence of their yard, shivering at the breeze that was picking up, rattling the late fall branches around. His fists went to his pockets and his eyes to the deep blue sky.

He could still see a few stars dancing on it; squinted as his eyes stung and watered. 

From the cold, of course.

"Screw you," he told the fabric of the universe. "You're not getting him back that easy. Just try it, and let's see how it goes."

Maybe Castiel _would_ turn more ethereal...esoteric. Less able to show emotion. Dean knew he had plenty of room to up his own game in that regard. They'd meet in the middle - and Cas would stay. 

He knew it.


End file.
